


Plagued with memories

by Quacks



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Emotional Hurt, I Made Myself Cry, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Past Rape/Non-con, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, this one might hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23835088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quacks/pseuds/Quacks
Summary: Sleeping through the night is not something Peter is familiar with. He doesn’t remember a time when he wasn’t constantly plagued by the demons of his past.(Or, a walk through Peter's trauma filled past.)
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 112





	Plagued with memories

**Author's Note:**

> All I have to say for myself is I'm sorry. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Please leave comments or kudos to let me know what you think.

Sleeping through the night is not something Peter is familiar with. He doesn’t remember a time when he wasn’t constantly plagued by the demons of his past. 

It started with the plane crash when he was four. The one that killed his parents. His mind has blocked out most of the traumatic memories, but images of burning metal and blood splattered grass still make their way into his thoughts. His mother was crying as she tried to push the metal off of herself without moving the large piece of shrapnel that’s sticking out of her stomach. His father was dangling from a nearby tree, already dead. Peter remembers sitting by his mother, crying for her to make it all better. 

By the time search and rescue found the plane, Peter was curled up under one of the plane wings, hands clamped tightly around his ears, still trying to hide from the wolves that had come during the night. He can still hear the screams of his mother. 

When he went to live with Uncle Ben and Aunt May, they would put him between them on their bed, always ready for the nightmares to wake them all during the night. 

* * *

  
  


Peter was eight when Uncle Ben introduced Peter to a teenager named Skip. It was a funny name, but Peter liked it. Ben explained that Skip was going to be coming to hang out with him whenever he and May both had to work. Skip was very nice and he even told Peter that he liked his Star Wars T-shirt. 

The first time Skip was over without Ben or May, he and Peter watched movies and ate lots of pizza. When bedtime came around he just wanted to stay up and keep hanging out with Skip, but the older boy just shook his head. Peter sighed before heading to the bathroom to take his bath. 

It was a little weird when Skip walked into the bathroom while Peter was taking a bath. But he didn’t think anything of it because skip had brought in a few toys for Peter to play with. He even played along with Peter. It was a lot of fun until Skip “accidentally” grabbed Peter’s penis instead of a toy. (He knows now that it wasn’t an accident.) However, Skip apologized before saying it was time for bed. He gave Peter a towel to dry off with, then followed the boy into the bedroom where he watched as Peter put on pajamas. 

After that first night, Peter wasn’t too sure how he felt about Skip. Sure he was nice, but something about him made Peter feel funny. Almost uncomfortable. He didn’t tell Ben or May about it though, because they both seemed so happy the next morning when Peter woke up. They told him that they were proud of him for being good and for not causing any trouble. 

So for the sole purpose of not causing trouble, Peter kept his mouth shut. Even when Skip touched him again the next time. Or when Skip forced Peter to play a game where they both had to be naked. Or when Skip made Peter give him a blowjob. And especially not when Skip started to fuck him. Because Ben and May, for the first time since taking in Peter, seemed to relax a little and smile more. 

For a month, Skip would come over every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to babysit Peter. It was a Friday when Ben came home from work early to find Skip holding Peter down as the older boy jerked himself off. 

Peter never saw Skip again. From that night, either Ben or May was always with Peter. No more babysitters. 

The nightmares involving Skip usually only come after Peter’s had a really bad day. But when they do happen, only May can calm him down. Rationally, he knows his uncle would never hurt him, but after the panic that comes with the nightmares, he really isn’t thinking rationally. He can tell it makes Ben a little sad, but Peter tries to make up for it in the morning by snuggling a little closer to his uncle. 

* * *

  
  


Uncle Ben was a greater person than Peter will ever be. He was always so kind and gentle with Peter. The smiles he gave whenever Peter accomplished something - no matter how small - are what motivated Peter to work harder.

Even when Peter did bad things, Ben would never yell or show that he was angry. Peter once broke one of May’s really expensive glasses - on accident of course - but instead of scolding Peter, Ben took him out for ice cream. He always said, “Ice cream makes even the bad situations seem better.” While they ate, Ben helped Peter come up with a plan for how he was going to make it up to May. Most of the plan involved Peter doing extra chores around the apartment so May would have more time to relax. 

It was selfish. When Peter walked out of the apartment, ignoring the calls of his aunt and uncle, it was for completely selfish reasons. Peter knew that he had messed up, but he needed some time to think. If only he knew then what was going to happen, Peter never would have left. 

The blood that stained his clothes was darker than Peter would have thought it would be. Not that he ever thought about blood staining his clothes, but he’s in shock - his thoughts are all over the place. And thinking about the color of blood was a better option than letting the reality of the situation sink in. It was Ben’s blood that soaked through to his skin. Ben who is now dead because Peter was an ungrateful moody teenager. 

The last thing Ben had said to Peter was that it wasn’t his fault. But that’s not true. It is Peter’s fault because Peter could have stopped it. His uncle would still be alive if Peter had stopped the mugger. May cried herself to sleep every night, and Peter knew that it was his fault. 

For weeks Peter couldn’t close his eyes without seeing the pale, lifeless face of his uncle staring up at him. It wasn’t until he passed out at school from sleep deprivation that May found out how little Peter had been sleeping. She paid for him to see a therapist about it, but it was too expensive. Even just one session had her working doubles for the next two weeks. 

As time moved on, and Peter decided to put his powers to good use, sleep became easier to achieve. The nightmares still came, and Peter still wasn’t getting enough sleep, but it was getting better. 

* * *

Mr. Stark took away his suit, which was his lifeline to help. Mr. Stark took away his suit and then a building fell on top of him and nobody could help him because he didn’t have the suit. Peter fell out of the sky on a burning plane - which sounds way cooler than it actually was - because he didn’t have a parachute to safely bring him to the ground, because Mr. Stark took the suit. All of that could have been avoided if Peter had the suit and had been able to call Happy to tell him about the plan to hijack the plane. 

To say Peter was bitter about Mr. Stark taking the suit would be an understatement. But he got over it...kind of. He moved on past the lack of suit because his mind would now randomly convince Peter that he was trapped under the building again. So being bitter about Mr. Stark taking the suit wasn’t at the forefront of Peter’s mind anymore, and that’s as good as it’s gonna get in regards to ‘getting over it’.

Peter’s mind was filled with more precedent matters like, are the support beams in the school stable enough to keep the roof from caving in? Is the creaking noise he hears in his apartment a sign that the building is structurally compromised?

He has to be careful with how he fell asleep because anytime his blankets covered his face, Peter would wake up to a panic attack after dreaming about suffocating under a building. Sometimes, when the nightmares are really vivid, Peter swears he can taste the dust and rubble from that night. 

* * *

The nightmares stop, but Peter would give anything to go back to having them. They stopped because Peter doesn’t need a dream to remind him of his pain anymore. His whole world feels like it’s crashing. Everyone tells Peter that he’s going to be okay, but he doesn’t believe them. He doesn’t think he will ever be okay because a world without Tony Stark, is not a world Peter wants to be in. Sometimes he wishes he was back in the soul stone so that Mr. Stark would still be alive. It hurts too much to breathe. It hurts too much to live. The world keeps asking him if he’s going to become the next Tony Stark, but he doesn’t even know how to go back to being Peter Parker - not without the man he looked to as a hero, mentor, and father figure.


End file.
